he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
