okay pat passed out under dana's car
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize