I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Don't send me pics of cunning dicks while I'm eating potato chips
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