You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
