don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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