I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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