in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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