She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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