my soul wont recognize me after tonight
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
Randomize
