My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
