listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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