Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
