I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Randomize