2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
