You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
