I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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