we have pet lesbian snakes
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
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