i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
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