its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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