Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
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