Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
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