I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
that place is a roofie-colada waiting to happen
i'm ok with that.. with the right DD it's just a cheaper drunk.. it's the economy, stupid
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
