Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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