my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
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