Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Do you think my job would send me for a second drug test if i took a whole pumpkin pie to work for lunch tomorrow?
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
