Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
