This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
