Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
