Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
