So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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