absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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