I'm sorry my penis didn't work
"Reality" and all separate lives are the same thing?... We all have separate realities?! My life Has one reality and yours has another?
Haha how much did you smoke
4 feet of smokeee!
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
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