So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
