All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
just heard a glass bottle fall in lecture and my first thought was to yell party foul.....is it friday yet?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
