Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
