i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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