he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Randomize
