Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
