I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
