i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
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