all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
