elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
