Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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