I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
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