The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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