i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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