Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
I'm too high and old for this...
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
