i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
