i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
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