my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You know it's nice having a girlfriend who will lotion your balls for you
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
