there's paper in my vomit.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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