I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Randomize
