yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Randomize
