I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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