no, he came in my armpit
My underwear smells like fireworks.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
I think my moral compass just broke
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
