took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
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