Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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