I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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