I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
It's almost like sex with her has gotten boring... like it's still good, but the creativity is lacking... it's times like these that i wish she still wanted me to gag her
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
