I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize