Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
