We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
