If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
He passed out mid-signature
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Randomize
