3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
