Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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