Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
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