i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
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