Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
Randomize
